I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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