love makes seman taste better
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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