toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She bit a glass in half.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
