I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i think i have two assholes
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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