I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
