well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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