I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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