just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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