take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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