Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
