you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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