I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
