My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
