i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize