I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
