why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
