did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
