the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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