Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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