Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
