Do you still have your period?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
