This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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