I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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