Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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