our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You're breaking my sexual little heart
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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