Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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