i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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