Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
