I am puke
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
