Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
