I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
