what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
