I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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