You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
