just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
