So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
