That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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