I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
