im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize