some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize