FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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