saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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