just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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