the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
