Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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