I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
