my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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