Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
