i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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