I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
