He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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