I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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