guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
