I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
