the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
