I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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