: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
