I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
