so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize