i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
nutella sex= disaster
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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