The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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