The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
