True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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