Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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