He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
