there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
