ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize