Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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